Explaining how my friday/trade deadline day went would only serve to paint me in an over-dramatic light. (Most of the time if i'm acting over-dramatic it's for comedic value, but once in a while something gets me genuinely riled up.) I was exceedingly anxious, and that's where I'll leave it.
When you like pretty much everyone on your team, no trade is going to leave you feeling 100% without regret or emotion. Add to that an extreme awareness of and interest in the general scope of players in Lowell, Portland, and Pawtucket, and while everyone around Boston is feeling like we've gotten by unscathed with a trade, I've got definite pangs of sorrow. Victor Martinez is a great acquisition for the Red Sox, but Justin Masterson, well, you wont find a human being who has a better heart. All of my interactions with him have been on the superficial level because we're not pals. Still, he has a way of turning even the superficial into the personal- anyone can tell this just by watching his interviews and seeing how he interacts with the people questioning him. He and Meryl (his wife) are not only agreeable, cordial, joyful people, but great role models and great examples of Christianity in action. In an "exit interview" shortly after learning that he'd been traded, Justin was noticeably disappointed but in describing his outlook on the future he said that his ultimate goal is to impact people's lives positively, and that the move to Cleveland will present him with a new venue in which, a new crowd with which to do so. He's a cool cat.
Nick Hagadone... had heard great things, but it was too early to get overly attached. Thankfully, I can easily find solace there in the fact that so much happens developmentally between Single-A (where he had been) and the bigs that his projected greatness could still only be just that- a far off projection.
Bryan Price... same thing, but I hardly knew of him.
The fact is, we made out like bandits acquiring VMart for the guys we sent to Cleveland. Could have been so much worse. I'm really not complaining but giving due homage to Justin. He's blessed in the way that he'll be loved wherever he goes.
I got a small dose of Soul Fest this year... went up on Friday night and stayed through this morning. This year was the worst in every way, hands down. I wasnt there for the entire time (it started on Wednesday, ended Saturday night) but my experience (or sense, where i lacked actual first-hand experience), was that a lot of things had changed organizationally and musically for the worse. Oh well- ever since the demise of Five Iron Frenzy and the evacuation of Relient K, it has never been the same for me. Still, I attend so I can catch up with the singer/songwriters I only see once or twice annually. The Sanctus Real show was stellar, as were the few sets I caught that involved my friend Brant and my longtime (holy smokes, 8 or 9 years now!) acquaintance Justin. Beyond that, it was slim pickin's. Inside Out Soul Fest (before it was shortened to Soul Fest) was the single most influential, impactful, important event on my calendar year after year while I was in high school and college. I became who I am in large part thanks to IOSF, so I'm certainly not just trying to be critical. I've been going for 9 years and I've seen many versions of the event as things have changed a little bit, or in some cases a-lotta-bit. They're going to have to backtrack next year. Sometime when I'm in the writing mood and I've got time, I'll post about the IOSF of old. I wish I wasnt far from God right now. I think back to my "youth", and even just so far back as 6 months ago, and wonder why it is that we are so prone to walk away. How do we get far off the path we were on, and once we realize where we've strayed, how do we find it again? I dont converse with God regularly, but otherwise my behavior isnt/actions arent wild or dangerous or altered. I've never been interested in being wild. I dont find drinking/drugs/promiscuity freeing, and in fact it seems the opposite to me because, talk about chains, talk about being bound, those are all examples of easy ways to tie yourself up and into a serious mess. Jason Upton, a worship leader at the fest, said something to the effect of, Dont mistake man's approval for God's. It was very striking for me to hear that. I wear a ring on my left hand that used to remind me constantly that I am free from the expectations of those around me. It used to work very effectively as a symbol of the freedom that Jesus Christ has offered to me- the freedom to choose how I live my life (by the way, Christians are free to drink/swear/etc, it's just that a lot of us dont find excessive use of any of those things to be productive.. I enjoy me a good beer and I definitely let some of my strong thoughts fly when Michael Bowden is getting hit hard, for example :) ) with the condition that my choices lead me towards Him. (Hint- God is Love. if the main goal and commandment is to Love God with all your heart/soul/strength/mind, this to me means loving and pursuing what He's interested in, which is -in its most basic form- loving people. For God so loved the world... )
These days, I absolutely covet the approval, the alignment of my actions/plans with those of the people around me. That has led to so much confusion over what and who I should spend my time on, what I should become knowledgeable about, and let me tell you- I could have guessed it had I seen it coming, but the people around me (coworkers, friends outside the church) unspokenly agree that the things God cares about are not the things I need to be concerned with. I have not conformed entirely to life without God (what is life without God? what does that even mean? God is or He isnt, and He certainly is, of that I am sure forever, no matter what turns my life takes). Still, the things I was passionate about- involvement at the Vineyard, involvement with Not For Sale or Love146, a desire to see the end of homelessness in my city... eh. That's a memory. What I know for sure is that I need to get back to that place because THAT is who i am, and that is who i want to be. I know too many people who are content (and even more than that- who dont fathom any different life) to live solely for themselves. That idea has never once been an option in my mind, no matter how selfishly I have lived for the past 3 or so months- I cant imagine the world without compassion and unprecedented, undeserved love. At the crux of Christianity is the Truth that God has created and therefore knows the heart of each person (regardless of whether you know Him too), and that He passionately desires each heart to receive the uncalled-for, empowering, father-like, bold, unstoppable, and fearless Love that He's offering. A beautiful aspect of that Love is that it drives us to love others. What does all of that mean? you might wonder. God is offering us love? What about money, success, etc? ...those things might seem more useful when you lack them (or rather when you feel like you lack them- it's all relative, remember... any of us in the USA are wealthy beyond imagining by the standards of those in third-world countries). I would argue that those things dont make or break how fulfilled you are (happiness is usually the word to use here, but happiness is fleeting, volatile, and really irrelevant- if you have all of the nice clothes you desire but there are 10's or 100's of slaves who have manufactured/sewed/whatever'd your clothes, good job. you're happy. and you're also adding to the human bondage/trafficking market). I cant even say that I dont shop at certain places that are known to exploit workers... for all that I care about the issue, I am not close to being free from feeding the fire, so to speak. Dont let anyone tell you that churches are hypocrite-free. We're all hypocrites, and in particular, any Christian who thinks that going to church and even following as best they can the teachings of Jesus sets them above/apart from others has another thing coming. This kind of elitism is one of the stereotypical tendencies among pockets of Christianity that makes me smack my forehead. The Bible makes it painfully clear that we're not perfect no matter if we call ourselves Christians or not, so I'm not sure where the idea that church is for people who have it all together came from.
Human interaction, creating and nurturing relationships, now that's what's going to bring Heaven to Earth. At 1am, this all looks far too simplified. It's tough to write about faith because there are so many questions surrounding it and so many tangents to run off on. Also... I'm simply not the best "explainer" and I certainly dont profess to have all of the answers. I simply have my own experience, along with the experiences of those with whom I'm close and the need I see in the world for the gifts of fantastic Love and Mercy that we've been offered, to work off of.
Hmm. I feel like so many people out there are ready to verbally pound anyone who simply talks about this stuff and I'm a little weary of feeling uncomfortable/even on eggshells talking about this major part of who I am. I'm not good at talking about it, that's the thing- so I'd welcome open dialogue with anyone who wants to talk about faith, religion (something i often find myself steering clear of- but has it been meaningful to you?), spirituality... the only rule is that there's no maliciousness involved in the conversation. Honesty/personal good or bad experiences, on the other hand, will not only be accepted but encouraged, and will be handled without any offense taken.
Well, what can I say? I officially turn 24 at 1:07am or thereabouts, i believe. August 3rd. It's a great day for a birthday :) PawSox tonight (it's officially the 3rd even though it's not yet day) with some good friends... no work for me on Wednesday as I hike up I-95 for Bowden Bobblehead night at the SeaDogs... Futures at Fenway on Saturday... and a few things in between all of that! Good night.
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