The Grave That I'm Digging Is For Me, Of Course..

Explaining how my friday/trade deadline day went would only serve to paint me in an over-dramatic light. (Most of the time if i'm acting over-dramatic it's for comedic value, but once in a while something gets me genuinely riled up.) I was exceedingly anxious, and that's where I'll leave it.

When you like pretty much everyone on your team, no trade is going to leave you feeling 100% without regret or emotion. Add to that an extreme awareness of and interest in the general scope of players in Lowell, Portland, and Pawtucket, and while everyone around Boston is feeling like we've gotten by unscathed with a trade, I've got definite pangs of sorrow. Victor Martinez is a great acquisition for the Red Sox, but Justin Masterson, well, you wont find a human being who has a better heart. All of my interactions with him have been on the superficial level because we're not pals. Still, he has a way of turning even the superficial into the personal- anyone can tell this just by watching his interviews and seeing how he interacts with the people questioning him. He and Meryl (his wife) are not only agreeable, cordial, joyful people, but great role models and great examples of Christianity in action. In an "exit interview" shortly after learning that he'd been traded, Justin was noticeably disappointed but in describing his outlook on the future he said that his ultimate goal is to impact people's lives positively, and that the move to Cleveland will present him with a new venue in which, a new crowd with which to do so. He's a cool cat.
Nick Hagadone... had heard great things, but it was too early to get overly attached. Thankfully, I can easily find solace there in the fact that so much happens developmentally between Single-A (where he had been) and the bigs that his projected greatness could still only be just that- a far off projection.
Bryan Price... same thing, but I hardly knew of him.
The fact is, we made out like bandits acquiring VMart for the guys we sent to Cleveland. Could have been so much worse. I'm really not complaining but giving due homage to Justin. He's blessed in the way that he'll be loved wherever he goes.

I got a small dose of Soul Fest this year... went up on Friday night and stayed through this morning. This year was the worst in every way, hands down. I wasnt there for the entire time (it started on Wednesday, ended Saturday night) but my experience (or sense, where i lacked actual first-hand experience), was that a lot of things had changed organizationally and musically for the worse. Oh well- ever since the demise of Five Iron Frenzy and the evacuation of Relient K, it has never been the same for me. Still, I attend so I can catch up with the singer/songwriters I only see once or twice annually. The Sanctus Real show was stellar, as were the few sets I caught that involved my friend Brant and my longtime (holy smokes, 8 or 9 years now!) acquaintance Justin. Beyond that, it was slim pickin's. Inside Out Soul Fest (before it was shortened to Soul Fest) was the single most influential, impactful, important event on my calendar year after year while I was in high school and college. I became who I am in large part thanks to IOSF, so I'm certainly not just trying to be critical. I've been going for 9 years and I've seen many versions of the event as things have changed a little bit, or in some cases a-lotta-bit. They're going to have to backtrack next year. Sometime when I'm in the writing mood and I've got time, I'll post about the IOSF of old. I wish I wasnt far from God right now. I think back to my "youth", and even just so far back as 6 months ago, and wonder why it is that we are so prone to walk away. How do we get far off the path we were on, and once we realize where we've strayed, how do we find it again? I dont converse with God regularly, but otherwise my behavior isnt/actions arent wild or dangerous or altered. I've never been interested in being wild. I dont find drinking/drugs/promiscuity freeing, and in fact it seems the opposite to me because, talk about chains, talk about being bound, those are all examples of easy ways to tie yourself up and into a serious mess. Jason Upton, a worship leader at the fest, said something to the effect of, Dont mistake man's approval for God's. It was very striking for me to hear that. I wear a ring on my left hand that used to remind me constantly that I am free from the expectations of those around me. It used to work very effectively as a symbol of the freedom that Jesus Christ has offered to me- the freedom to choose how I live my life (by the way, Christians are free to drink/swear/etc, it's just that a lot of us dont find excessive use of any of those things to be productive.. I enjoy me a good beer and I definitely let some of my strong thoughts fly when Michael Bowden is getting hit hard, for example :) ) with the condition that my choices lead me towards Him. (Hint- God is Love. if the main goal and commandment is to Love God with all your heart/soul/strength/mind, this to me means loving and pursuing what He's interested in, which is -in its most basic form- loving people. For God so loved the world... )
These days, I absolutely covet the approval, the alignment of my actions/plans with those of the people around me. That has led to so much confusion over what and who I should spend my time on, what I should become knowledgeable about, and let me tell you- I could have guessed it had I seen it coming, but the people around me (coworkers, friends outside the church) unspokenly agree that the things God cares about are not the things I need to be concerned with. I have not conformed entirely to life without God (what is life without God? what does that even mean? God is or He isnt, and He certainly is, of that I am sure forever, no matter what turns my life takes). Still, the things I was passionate about- involvement at the Vineyard, involvement with Not For Sale or Love146, a desire to see the end of homelessness in my city... eh. That's a memory. What I know for sure is that I need to get back to that place because THAT is who i am, and that is who i want to be. I know too many people who are content (and even more than that- who dont fathom any different life) to live solely for themselves. That idea has never once been an option in my mind, no matter how selfishly I have lived for the past 3 or so months- I cant imagine the world without compassion and unprecedented, undeserved love. At the crux of Christianity is the Truth that God has created and therefore knows the heart of each person (regardless of whether you know Him too), and that He passionately desires each heart to receive the uncalled-for, empowering, father-like, bold, unstoppable, and fearless Love that He's offering. A beautiful aspect of that Love is that it drives us to love others. What does all of that mean? you might wonder. God is offering us love? What about money, success, etc? ...those things might seem more useful when you lack them (or rather when you feel like you lack them- it's all relative, remember... any of us in the USA are wealthy beyond imagining by the standards of those in third-world countries). I would argue that those things dont make or break how fulfilled you are (happiness is usually the word to use here, but happiness is fleeting, volatile, and really irrelevant- if you have all of the nice clothes you desire but there are 10's or 100's of slaves who have manufactured/sewed/whatever'd your clothes, good job. you're happy. and you're also adding to the human bondage/trafficking market). I cant even say that I dont shop at certain places that are known to exploit workers... for all that I care about the issue, I am not close to being free from feeding the fire, so to speak. Dont let anyone tell you that churches are hypocrite-free. We're all hypocrites, and in particular, any Christian who thinks that going to church and even following as best they can the teachings of Jesus sets them above/apart from others has another thing coming. This kind of elitism is one of the stereotypical tendencies among pockets of Christianity that makes me smack my forehead. The Bible makes it painfully clear that we're not perfect no matter if we call ourselves Christians or not, so I'm not sure where the idea that church is for people who have it all together came from.

Human interaction, creating and nurturing relationships, now that's what's going to bring Heaven to Earth. At 1am, this all looks far too simplified. It's tough to write about faith because there are so many questions surrounding it and so many tangents to run off on. Also... I'm simply not the best "explainer" and I certainly dont profess to have all of the answers. I simply have my own experience, along with the experiences of those with whom I'm close and the need I see in the world for the gifts of fantastic Love and Mercy that we've been offered, to work off of.

Hmm. I feel like so many people out there are ready to verbally pound anyone who simply talks about this stuff and I'm a little weary of feeling uncomfortable/even on eggshells talking about this major part of who I am. I'm not good at talking about it, that's the thing- so I'd welcome open dialogue with anyone who wants to talk about faith, religion (something i often find myself steering clear of- but has it been meaningful to you?), spirituality... the only rule is that there's no maliciousness involved in the conversation. Honesty/personal good or bad experiences, on the other hand, will not only be accepted but encouraged, and will be handled without any offense taken.

Well, what can I say? I officially turn 24 at 1:07am or thereabouts, i believe. August 3rd. It's a great day for a birthday :) PawSox tonight (it's officially the 3rd even though it's not yet day) with some good friends... no work for me on Wednesday as I hike up I-95 for Bowden Bobblehead night at the SeaDogs... Futures at Fenway on Saturday... and a few things in between all of that! Good night.

Buchholz Bombs

Well, maybe not that bad. vs A's. 5.2 IP, 9 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. But the pace he set for the game is something we never recovered from. 107 pitches thrown by Buckaroo. 2 hours into the game, and we were just at the mid-4th mark. I didnt watch his last start but I know that this one was comparable to that one with regards to pace/pitch count. Going too deep in counts. I dont mean to sound overly critical here- if you're reading this post, you've likely read others, and have picked up on my decided non-fandom. I've got to say, he's one of ours, and as such I want him to succeed so that the Red Sox can succeed. I mean it. Anyhow, the game is still going. We're in the 11th now... A's just scored a pair.

Spent most of the game watching from the Bleacher Bar. i give it two thumbs up. wasnt crowded which was nice, though that must just be a tuesday night thing. sweet to be field-level. If you've never been there, it's a bar that's built into the wall / under where bleachers would continue on to be out in center field. If you look at the wall behind where Jacoby stands you can see a square of metal gate which is colored/shaded so that people on the field side cant see in but those inside the bar can see out. biggest gripe- my soup was good, but for $4 it was tiiiiiiiiny.

So Buck and Bowden and Westmoreland (who apparently wasnt part of the offer afterall) and Lars and Josh etc etc are still ours. The story changes hour by hour but I cant help tracking it all the same. PawSox games wont be the same without those furtive glances that i still have yet to really understand. I'll admit to my lack of perspective on this whole trade deadline thing. Kind of feel like i've had the rug pulled out from under me... thought that Theo was a little more protective of his team's future, a lot more keen on building as much depth as possible in arms down through the system (several writers have made the point that with smoltz flopping, penny cooled off, wake on the DL, dice-k... aaahahahaha, and buchholz adequate at best, our pitching "depth" consists more of kids who will be ready in a year or two- that all of a sudden, we're down to trying out bowden next, and tazawa come september). where do we go if we lose buchholz and bowden or masterson? i just dont get it. yes, we'll have halladay, lester, beckett... and then? tell me who you'd insert there. because no matter who i think of (major league ready), it means two days of REALLY hit or miss ball. struggle, inconsistency. Coming into 2009, pitching was supposed to be our no-brainer. It has proven to be anything but.

I am very literally falling asleep in my chair. gonna make the switch to my bed. no more energy to write good night!

Lazy Sunday

I used to be concerned when I'd wake up to find 10:00AM on my clock- I've always hated sleeping in because there's so much to be done in a day, even when I dont have anything particular to be doing. Lately I've been logging at least one 10am sleep-in per weekend, and it's great. Actually, for a good stretch of time, I wasnt able to sleep in past 8:30 on Saturday mornings. So perhaps I am fixed. Or perhaps I am throwing my body into overdrive with all of these long nights at Fenway/in Pawtucket. A friend recently suggested that I buy a suite at the park so I have someplace to sleep in between games. I wouldnt say I'm there often enough to warrant that kind of purchase (someday I hope I AM there that often) but I see at least a game per series and could definitely do without the crazy T rides home.

My coworker Kenny took me to the game on Friday and we sat in section 16 row 9, really great seats. As is the case with all GS seating past the 4th or 5th row, we had a pole in our view, but it wasnt too imposing, and it blocked out the precise spot that both shortstops were usually standing in, which is the one spot I think any Sox fan wouldnt mind not being able to see (no offense nick green, you've actually been an unexpected treat at ss). The highlight- watching Jason Bay absolutely maul one over the Monster. Poor Dice-K... booed from the very first moment of the game. They kept him in too long, trying to give him a chance to gain some momentum. Pitch 1 resulted in a McLouth homerun (i kept McLouth on the bench in one of my leagues.. should have registered that he'd be productive vs Matsuzaka). Things did NOT get better from there. However, we got to see Justin pretty early and he pitched a few quality innings. Quick Masterson tangent:
Last year the Red Sox Wives held a food drive outside the park before a Saturday game. The deal was, bring 10 items, get a signed picture of your player of choice (you could get up to 4 different ones). My table was manned by Meryl Masterson.. and i had brought my 40 items (including this huge bag of rice, haha, i lugged it all in from the North Shore where I was living at the time) so I was waiting in line for it all to "start", and figuring out who's pictures I wanted. Before I got to the table, I decided upon Pedroia, Lester, Masterson, Papi (this was pre-Bay). Things started rolling and i got up to the table to find that there were no Masterson pics! I had never met Meryl before but I saw that she had her husband's name on the back of her Sox shirt so I asked her, What? No Masterson? That's outrageous! And of course her interest was piqued immediately- they were new fixtures with the team still, so I'm sure she wasnt quite used to her husband's sudden megastar status. She said that she had tried to get him to sign some, and he had wanted to as well actually, but they never came and asked him to be part of the program. Being pretty high on Justin myself at that point, I went off on this rant about how stoked I was that we had someone like him who can pitch in starting and relief positions, and who has the stamina to pull us through tough games where starters have to bow out in the early innings, etc. I can still remember the look on her face as the words were streaming out of my mouth in a frenzy. She looked at me in total agreement as if I was acknowledging everything that she herself had been seeing in him for his whole career. After the initial line of people went through, there were no others stopping by to drop off items, so I stayed and we talked for about 20 minutes. Of course, they had lived in Portland (Maine) and so that's always something I can relate to, having grown up right around there. Bottom line- you ask anyone and they will tell you that Meryl and Justin are the sweetest wife/husband combo that you could ever hope to find. I've had equally enjoyable run-ins with Justin, but those stories will be for another day.

Last night's game was great- a feel-good game for lack of better words. The way Beckett was pitching from the start, I just knew we were gonna come out on top, regardless of the close score. Fun to see Derek Lowe (and the crowd's warm reception of him). I brought my brother Pat up on the Monster for bp before the gates opened and we spent the whole 2.5 hours before the game up there as we had Monster SRO tickets. I had packed dinner for us (bbq chicken bites, just-baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, batman fruit snacks, and grapes) so we ate and willed the batters to hit fly balls our way. I was close to catching one- it was heading right for me, but of course three different males stepped in front of me and I didnt end up with the ball when all was said and done. No worries... I've got two to my name this season and I know there'll be more ;) Papi had a good night, but I have to say that I'm not really that caught up in him. He really must be loved.. the man with the 2.11 BA (as of last night.. he had a few hits today so it's probably slightly higher now). And he gets cheered along more fervently than anyone else on our team. Interesting that Dice-K gets booed off the field but Papi.. well, fans seem to try to justify or shrug off his terrible season. BOTH have been productive for our team in the past (not just Papi). Anyhow. Just sayin.

Michael Bowden did not fare so well in his Friday night start. I cant imagine developing in the Red Sox farm system- talk about all eyes on being on you. Success and shortcoming are loudly advertised and the Boston media (anyone covering the Red Sox really) shouts opinions as if they were fact. The kid just barely made it through the first inning, giving up 6 runs and walking the first batter and one or two others within the course of the inning. It was tough. Uncharacteristic of Bowden, too, as his K/BB ratio from last year was somewhere between 3 and 4 (as in, 3K for every 1BB). Sorry, I've seen it written plenty of times but in a quick perusal of the WWW i cant find any exact stats to regale you with. Anyhow, I'm glad I wasnt tracking it on Gameday. Would have put a damper on my entire evening.. I want to see him do well.

http://shyderblog.mlblogs.com/archives/2009/06/at-bat-with-nat--from-charm-to-jinx.html

I'm glad he's a square.
I was about to recommend another particular post on that blog, but really, it's a great blog in general. Fun to read. Go peruse.

I need something chocolate.

Rainy days for Boston? Better than it sounds.

http://www.necn.com/Boston/Sports/2009/06/13/Bowden-works-toward-sticking/1244947003.html

on circulating trade rumors involving him:

"..if i cant control it, why worry about it."

on the idea that he could already be in a starting rotation were he with a big league club elsewhere in MLB:

"Yeah, you know what, you do think about that.. I would rather stay in the minors an extra year or so to play for Boston, to play in Boston at Fenway, and just with that group of guys."   !!!!! Yes indeed!!!

very well spoken, especially at the end.

In other news, it is an amazing tribute to our team that Dice-K can be a sure bet to flop on any given night, and yet we still function around him. 11-6.  Hawt dog. They really are hometown heroes. 

I've been saying Varitek gets 30 homers this season... but he's had a bit of a lull on that front lately. Let's get it started again Captain. Get a few this week.

Leftover cinnamon pancakes, leftover iced coffee, and church..

UPDATE 5:45pm

Amazing how much can happen in the span of a few hours. Church was great, and i had meeting for "Soccer Nights" volunteers that covered lots of things we'll need to know in order to corale the 300 kids that will be kicking  soccer balls  across Russell Field in 2 weeks. Anyway, now here I am, trying to digest a game that I think I really just had to be there for. A Beckett homerun? Baldelli and Green with back to back hrs? That sounds great. Just dont look at the score... or at the recap of what happened to get us there. 11-6, Phillies. Beckett gave up 7 runs (6 earned), which I could stomach as it's nothing I havent experienced before.. but Danny Bard gave up 4 in .2 innings. YIKES (and that's not even mentioning the 3 walks he issued). Didnt even get himself through the 7th inning. You know, the bright side of this is that I (in all of my infinite wisdom right?) think it's important for young pitchers to face adversity in the bigs, and to overcome it. So Daniel Bard. Here's your chance. Worst outing of your MLB career. Dust yourself off, know that I still like you, and go get 'em next time. (Except... I think you may be dropped back down to Pawtucket soon.. hope not, but we'll see.)

15-5 is the final score of the Paw Sox game vs Syracuse.. and the Paw Sox were the ones who came out on top. Now THAT is unbelievable. Bailey and Chavez had hrs, but they only account for 4 of the runs scored (1 and 3 respectively). Aaron Bates (called up from AA on June 8) continued on his offensive rampage, going 3-5 with a walk. Kid's already hitting cleanup, if that tells you anything about the state of Pawtucket's bats.

Pawtucket tomorrow and Tuesday! Fenway on Thursday with Victor. Fenway on Saturday with Pat. 

Churchin with Justin Masterson

Some people like to collect memorabilia, unique items that are signed or are otherwise special- i think my thing is collecting unique experiences. I heard Justin Masterson preach twice this past Sunday at Park St in Boston. How many people can say that? He and Meryl did a 5 to 10 minute Q&A with Athletes in Action man Walt Day- the Mastersons are a riot, i will say that much- and then Justin spoke for the rest of the service. I went to the 8:30am service, ran into a friend, Nate, from college (we went to the same college- but he's of the age where i actually went to college with his younger brother, who was a year ahead of me) and we sat in the center of the balcony. My brother came in for the 11am service so after having breakfast at Finagle a Bagel across the street with Nate and Pat, Pat and I assumed our seats in the second row, center. And you know noone ever sits in the front row. Yup, if i'm doing something i'm gonna do it right. We had a pretty clear view of the action that ensued (including a full 30-40 member childrens choir mere feet in front of us).

Justin Masterson. The guy is 23- my age- and he was a goofball. My favorite part of the experience was that he felt like a peer- unless one grows up in Hollywood, i think it's kind of hard to realize, to grasp one's celebrity status at this young of an age. Justin and Meryl showed no signs of .. how should i put it... no signs of elite-hood or of elevated status. He wasnt exceedingly eloquent but i felt like he was honest and he spoke genuinely. He faltered with his words a few times, even- once, the first time it happened, a woman a few rows back from where I was sitting shouted out whatever word he was looking for, and he accepted it and kept going. The next time this happened, he was clearly trying to come up with the word "interpreted" (referring to Joseph, who had the gift of being able to interpret dreams) so after he had drawn a blank for a few seconds, i suggested the word and once again he humbly teased himself a bit because of his slight struggles and moved on.

if you want to listen, here's the link:

http://www.rededicate.org/media/audio/2009-02-08-am-pod.mp3

i know, sort of an abrupt ending to that little story. not much more to tell. just nice to have something else to tie me over until spring training. i think justin's style would have fit better at the Vineyard, since the V is less... academic/intellectual/traditional. But oh well! it was fine and i'm sure everyone loved having him.

baseball takes up about 33% of my thoughts/energy at present... and another 40% is too dramatic to even bother with here. that's why this will be a one-track blog for the time being, because the remaining percentage is work, sleep, and figuring out what to eat for meals/stopping myself from eating chocolate until i see Dustin Pedroia.

spring training begins in less than 3 days- well, that's a bit of a stretch, as all that will take place in t minus 3 days is pitchers and catchers reporting to camp. but by the time i get there (a week and a half until my first and very own vacation) the whole squad will be in the midst of their third practice as an entire team. the first thing i'm going to do when i touch down is run for the Sox's minor league complex.

a word on A-Rod: i realize i might have to backtrack in the future if there turns out to be more truth than has been exposed thus far; with that being said, i have nothing but compassion for A-Rod and i have never had the sort of hatred that pulses so deeply through the veins of most true Red Sox fans. i think that, again, if he is being fully upfront, that he is handling things admirably and short of never having touched the "substances" he couldnt do much better for himself. for crying out loud, the man was an emotional wreck in front of Gammons. (i talked to Peter Gammons face to face, one on one at a pre-event party about a month ago and ever since, it has been so surreal to see him on tv.) now there are lots of little counter arguments against A-Rod's case here, and if i hadnt spent a good chunk of my day defending A-Rod from a coworker who knows a thing or two about baseball (and also from one who doesnt really, but who was getting pretty heated over the whole conversation) i would detail all of my thoughts on the subject. As it is, i am exhausted from the topic because, come on, how unnatural is it for a Sox fan to spend any amount of time at all fiercely defending Alex Rodriguez?