Just a dull ache now..

Yeah, y'know, being away from Fenway is not the life for me.

One day, I'll work there. It may be soon, it may not be for years, but everything comes back around to baseball. If I could do anything, I think I'd be Mike Hazen's sidekick.

I've had a ripping headache all day, didnt sleep well last night after spending hours on drawing up an important cover letter. Dreamt about front office people (not kidding).. no one in particular, but i remember being stressed out, which clearly ties directly into my current situation. Tossed, turned, got up at 7 and worked on the cover letter for a couple more hours until work.

Alrighty. Well, tonight I'm really just writing to post something. We can start with the easy stuff... Petey was incredible last night, and Youk and Scutaro were right there with him. combined 9 for 15! 9 runs and 4 rbi! noice.  I'll have to go back and see if Petey did that thing he does when he steals... I watched a lot of the game but was out of the house for some of it. I believe those were his first steals of 2010. AND Mr Jason Varitek, 3 for 5 with 2 runs and 4 rbi (as many as Petey/Youk/Scutaro put together!)... part of me is so stoked that Tek is showing more than just signs of life. He's never been a favorite, but I like the way he plays the game and I appreciate what he means to our pitching staff.
How many times have i mentioned that I'm not a Beckett fan, never have been? Trust me, I'd love to be. If only he'd give me a reason to be. His temper makes him entertaining to me, but otherwise he's just frustrating. He has this reputation for being so ... good. But... he's not been our team's Ace over the past few years. I must have gone off on this tangent before so I'll end it here.

I'm listening to the Paw Sox broadcast; the accents are so endearing. The commercials are quite small-townish and they make me smile. The team that the PawSox are playing came out on top of their game last night... after 15 innings. They're dead tired. There should be no question who wins tonight, and yet we're trailing by 2 runs. Kason Gabbard (who has bounced around a bit over the past few years) is pitching in place of Fabio Castro who got bumped up to Boston. Good Lord. Boston. What a mess it is up there. Nothing that cant be fixed, but it requires good players performing at or above their "par" levels. When my head isnt throbbing I will try to post some good points from the farm system, because there are some sharp looking players early on in 2010.

With that said... Bill Hall just doesnt fit on this team. I hate to be yet another hop-on on the bludgeoning bandwagon, but I'm trying to bring to mind anything that Bill Hall has contributed yet this season. Ah. One RBI.

Well well well. Check you out, Buckaroo. (Shoot, sorry, I know that some nicknames are gratingly obnoxious. I like "Buckaroo" so much because it's somewhat deprecating, and I've often had trouble taking Clay's attitude, or the attitude I've perceived him to have, seriously.) So far he's thrown 82 pitches over 6 innings! Efficient. Has only given up 1 ER! Pitching well though his strike out and hit against counts are not exactly stellar. I'm going to live in the moment because at any second he could start to crumble, as have become characteristic of the rest of our starters. It's refreshing to see so few runs scored against. The fact that we have only scored once in response is another story all together. Buckaroo. Reminds me of both a little kid and Dunkaroos.

You were waiting for it! I know you were... Michael Bowden is up tomorrow. Tonight he's sitting a handful of rows up from the net behind home, charting and texting and feeling bored. What I wouldnt give to be a 23 year old guy who gets paid many hundreds of thousands of dollars.. I would gladly chart games a few times each week, and wouldnt even be bored doing it.

Alright, my eyes are burning out of my head (or so it feels). Went to a Quakes game on Sunday, was one of those impeccably sunny warm days that make me desperate for Fenway, McCoy, or Hadlock. Sunny Sunday afternoons were MADE for baseball.

Red Sox, you are the only-only-only..

We finally get some wins under our belts, and I dont have time to post about it. I promise that I'm not one of those who only likes to complain. I still have to watch tonight's game anyhow, before I can write... I was treated to a very nice dinner out tonight so I missed my baseball for the evening. sounds like youk was the hero of the night... and mcdonald was the man last night. Quick thoughts on yesterday's game... Darnell McDonald manufactured that win for the Red Sox. Between Reddick and McDonald.. well, lets just say that the Paw Sox portion of the lineup was a more potent force than the remainder of the team that the Red Sox fielded. I also appreciated how McDonald subsequently started in CF tonight. Players dont always get instantly rewarded like that for doing well, but I think that's the message that needs to be sent to this team. Perform, contribute, and you'll see playing time.. no matter if you're out of Pawtucket or Boston, if you've been with the team for half a day or a number of years. Geez, and look what he did tonight- 1-for-3 with a walk, 2 runs, and an RBI. He's definitely making a case for himself. (Unfortunately, Petey was 0-for-5. Did draw a walk though.)

Great, now i'm looking at tonight's box score. I'm never gonna get to sleep, and I need it. Well, ok, we'll end on this note. Cinco Ocho got the win last night, Oki got the win today... he struck 2 batters out in his 1 inning. Bard looked verrrry nice today over two innings of middle relief and 29 total pitches (21 thrown for strikes), striking out 3.
(and finally, if Bard's line for the night looks good, take a gander at Neftali Feliz's 2 innings- he also struck out 3 batters, but over a total of only 23 pitches! (15 for strikes) Yow.)


More later, of that you can be sure.
Oh. Had an incredible dream starring Jeff Natale and Michael Bowden of all people, sitting in the stands at a minor league park I've been to in past dreams. Wasnt really a personal dream, but that's all you're getting. Suffice it to say, during and after I felt like I was missed equally as much as I myself am missing McCoy. I'm thankful for these baseball dreams that I've been having. They've been very deep and vivid, emotionally. And they've all made me happy.

Back for more

That was fun last night. I think I'll try it again.

I hadnt seen a Sox game since last week, so as soon as I was awake I started up Boxee and caught the game around the 3rd inning. Ugh. Terrible. And it seems like that's how it went while I was away up north. Swept by the Rays in a 4 game series, that's just embarrassing. The Rays are a strong team, so the embarrassment has nothing to do with them... but WE should be much better than that.

..and then I look at our team. I take a good concentrated look, and see that maybe we're really not better than that. I'm not sold on one single acquisition we made in the offseason. Beltre, Scutaro, Hall, Cameron, Lackey- none of them feel like they're part of our champion-caliber, gritty, tough, always-contending team. They're still strangers. I didnt have that feeling with Bay or VMart when they joined us.

(sorry, i couldnt help including this. i miss jason bay .. just a little.)

I feel like I could get used to Mike Cameron and Adrian Beltre, but the others... I mean, clearly Lackey has been widely hyped for his performance, so it's not that I think they're all no good. Although Lackey isnt an ace as far as 2010 proves it, and that's all that matters to me, what he can do for the Sox. For a team touted as having 3 aces (and a 4th in the making in Buchholz) we sure dont seem to be able to keep opponents' bats quiet. Look at the facts here, ladies and gentlemen:

The Red Sox have played 13 games as of the time of this writing.
We've won 5 of those games.
(Dont do the math to find out how far under .500 we are... it hurts. Just tell yourself that it's early, there's no sense getting worked up, and read on.)
We've held the opposing team to 5 runs or less in 6 games, and have only won 3 of those 6 (meaning, more often than not when we get beat, the other team is really scoring runs; and even after holding them to 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 runs, we havent been able to produce enough of our own to come out on top).
On the other side of things, we've been held to 5 runs or less in 9 games (9 out of 13 total), and we've won ONE of those (meaning, other teams' pitching has been more effective against us than ours has been against them slash our offense is perhaps just very weak, as supported by the previous bullet point).

If we're not going to be scoring runs, our starters have GOTTTTTTT to be stepping things up. That's the most anxiety-inducing part of these early-season struggles for me... pitchers are strange and wonderful beings, impossible to understand, complex, unpredictable, and filled to overflowing with intensity.

Mechanics, psychological stuff... everything from the concrete to the abstract can throw a pitcher off his groove. If they're not working right, so to speak, how do we make them work again?

I've never been a huge Beckett believer... have seen him toss some gems, for sure, but I've always liked Lester as our #1. Sure, I acknowledge that there's a sort of gruff, constantly pissed, murderous-temper quality that gives Beckett more of an Alpha aura, but when it comes to results I'd see Johnny more surely getting things done right, if anyone.

Still, no matter about my personal preferences... they're both considered to be toward the top of the list in MLB. Lackey too (for the record I was unenthused by this pickup, though I did and still do hope that he would make our strong rotation even stronger).

so what's going on here?!


The Sox need to start assigning laps and pushups for fielding errors. And maybe if they incentivize for increased offense.... say, Tito takes everyone out to JP Licks after every game in which at least 7 of 9 guys get a hit. Or we could dream a little smaller and just say that the team gets a pizza party every time Papi only strikes out once in a game.

Hmm, interesting. I'm looking at the individual player stats.

Petey has 5 home runs, the most of any of the guys- can you guess who has the second most right now? Jason Varitek, with 3. (I should note here that he has only played in 3 games to date.) Pedroia is also breaking away from the pack in Total Bases (37.... next in line is Youk with 21!), Hits (18, Beltre and Scutaro after him with 12 apiece), RBI (13, Hermida/Youk/Beltre each with 6), and then the stats (BA, OBP, SLG, OPS). Petey is a machine of a man right now, more than usual. So while I dont enjoy watching my team bumble around on the field game after game (lately), it is incredibly fun watching Petey be on FI-YA.

Again, we're working off of a small sample size here. They've been playing for mere weeks. But until things have had a chance to balance and settle, what else is there to do but talk about what's happened thus far?

I must be Boston at heart.. I've rambled on about nothing for a long time here, but have done it with vigor. At least, I feel invigorated.

Here, let's end on a positive note. I was reading through my scorebook tonight, looking at the games I'd recorded, and I came across the game Bowdie pitched that nearly ended up being a no-hitter.

(taken at the 7.19.09 game, actually)

Paw Sox vs the Indianapolis Indians, 7.19.09. It was literally down to 2 outs in the top of the 9th with no hits allowed to that point, and Fernando Cabrera gave up a scorcher of a line drive right into left-center. FCab, of all people- around that time last season he could do no wrong, he was on a roll. That was a beautiful day. There was a fair on the neighboring football field after the game with a mini baseball history museum, and some games, and food, and booths, etc. Some notes from my scorebook: I sat in Sec 10, Row C, Seat 9. Bowdie went 5 innings, a somewhat high count of 4 BB but 5 SO, two of them looking. I apparently found it necessary to note that Mike screamed  F&*# from the mound after walking Shelby Ford in the 5th- his 4th walk issued in the game, frustrating as he doesnt think of himself as a pitcher who walks a lot of guys. Oh, and the gun read 101mph on Bowden's first strike thrown in the 2nd inning. Haha. Fat chance. Finally- looking at the Indy Indians' current roster, it seems like they've got a lot of familiar names: Argenis Diaz, Brandon Moss, Jonathan Van Every, Craig Hansen... some old friends :) Anyhow, we won 3-2!

Taken on the night I became a Red Sox fan.

Aaaand we're back..

(Note: I wrote all of this, then started searching through my archives for a picture of Petey to post, and decided to look through pics for half an hour.. then tried to fit a bunch of random favorites in here. Enjoy my mad photography skillz.)

http://youcanfeelthesun.blogspot.com/

Since i moved, I've been posting on the blog linked above. It's just life stuff, but it has been baseball-heavy of course. I really dont think most people who check that blog care about my baseball fixation, so maybe i'll try to split my content matter between sites.

2010! Moving right along, isnt it? Unfortunately for Red Sox Nation, all is not well. The Red Sox have tried to keep steady focus on their season, to leave dwelling on their collective personal issue outside of work hours so to speak, but clearly their distraught hearts are affecting their play.
..distraught because they're missing a rambunctious and previously-very-present fan at Fenway of course.

Had I known that my leaving would have THIS kind of effect on the start of the season, believe me, I never would have moved away. To the Red Sox, I would like to say this: I'm hurting as much as (and probably more than) you guys.

Hurting, in part, because you guys have had some pretty pathetic moments already. Thankfully, as usual, Dustin Pedroia is keeping me- and all of you- afloat when it's gametime.

No matter how bad things are looking... flat offense, errors, disappointing pitching... Petey steps up to the plate and within a minute I'm on my feet and my hands are in the air- homerun! stand-up double! rbi! He's always doing something right.

I have no specific agenda in writing tonight. Not sure if i'm missing the PawSox or RedSox more... at least I can watch the Red Sox. At least the Red Sox will come out this way in a few months. I listen to Paw Sox broadcasts when I can... just wish i could be there now and then. If Fenway was home, McCoy was my best friend's house, you know? The place I wanted to be if I couldnt be at Fenway. I almost always went alone, but i had many friends and acquaintances there- players, people who worked there, other fans. It's strange for me to think that Sean Danielson and Jeff Natale are gone.

Jeff and Sean

Sean

Neither of these guys got their due allotment of playing time last year, so in a way I'm glad that they're free to move on to new opportunities (Sean's in the Reds organization now but Jeff is unsigned last i heard).. still, even beyond their contribution to the actual games played, they were fixtures at McCoy for various reasons.. they made auxiliary marks on Pawtucket. I miss Charlie Zink too- it just wasnt his year last year.

He got picked up by the Cardinals in the offseason but was eventually let go during Spring Training. Sad sad sad. Such are the Minors though.

Last year around the trade deadline, I remember having a panic attack at work. My coworker Bill, who shared a room in the office with me, can attest. I was a mess, repeating over and over in my head that the rumors about an impending trade involving Michael Bowden were just rumors until proven otherwise, checking twitter and google news every 30 seconds up until the deadline- and then a few minutes beyond, just to make sure that I knew what was happening if and when anything did. He was just too big a part of my Paw Sox (and subsequently, Red Sox) experience last year.

I've come a long way. I like the guy a lot and root for him loudly, and beyond that I do believe in his ability and his work ethic, but without any anxiety I can say that this may be the year that Boston gives him up. I'm not basing this off of his performace thus far- over two starts, he's gone 6.1 innings, with 3 very solid and 3.1 not so spotless- is reminiscent of last year, which was spectacular at times and pretty subpar at others. Again, it's pointless to make any conclusions after two starts, and so few innings thrown.. I'm just bringing you  up to speed a bit on his 2010 so far. In any case, there are prospects who should be stuck with through serious developmental challenges; anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a Buchholz fan, but his ceiling is high if/when he gets himself together. You hang on to a struggling ace, I'm all for that, I see the sense in that sort of investment. Bowden has never projected to be an ace (that's ok, we cant all be) and for a while now it looks like the Sox have lost hope/interest in grooming Bowdie to crack their rotation- he knows his role has changed and has publicly embraced it, which is a very smart move on his part- even if it could be looked upon as something of a demotion (but whether it is or isnt, a team player just wants to help his team win in the end).

Still, they've got him starting for the Paw Sox because 1) it's easier to stick a trained starter into a relief situation than a bullpen guy into a starting role and 2) may as well exercise his stamina/endurance if he's going to be a middle reliever, an innings eater. And who knows? Any given pitching staff is stupidly volatile (stupidly, because they're here one minute and gone the next, freak injuries, psychological blocks... it's crazy how quickly we went from having what felt like 10 big league/ready, momentum-carrying starters last year to having 3 to count on, who were performing unpredictably at best). Bowdie might have a shot at the rotation again, I dont think anyone has said Absolutely Not to that idea. It will be an interesting first few months, because he's a different pitcher now in a lot of ways- changed form/mechanics, leaner, new fashion statement (no socks showing... what a shame; the PawSox look like sandlot kids next to Scranton-Wilkes Barre (Yankees AAA) where everyone wears their socks showing, so sharp (they play sharply too, another way in which SWB makes the PawSox look like neighborhood kids, hehe)).

In summation, I'm definitely pulling for this guy as much as I ever was- I hope this season finds him making great progress and exceeding expectations. If it comes to it, though, and we get something/someone we need (take your pick at this point..) in exchange for Bowden, I wont despair.
But as things stand right now, what say the Sox call him up to the big club in time for their series in Los Angeles vs the Angels?

I had such a good Dustin Pedroia dream last week.

It's detailed on my other blog.. maybe I'll paste it here soon. Forgive the dull descriptive word here, but I just felt so happy both during and after the dream, like I had had an unexpected visit from a good friend who I'd been missing.

What else... Chris Carter (traded from the PawSox to the Mets organization last year) ate the Paw Sox alive in one of their recent games. He was 4 for 4 with something like 30 homeruns and 77 stolen bases. Or something like that.

Well, he really did go 4 for 4. It was really impressive, but clearly i'm fading fast.. i should definitely be sleeping after the weekend I've had. I saw Scott Kazmir pitch for the Angels' A team, Rancho Cucamonga Quakes. He did well and pitched more than half the game (too lazy to go look at my scorebook). Oh, and just now as I was looking for a good pic of Petey to post, I came across a bunch of other pics that I decided I'd like to post too. They're all from one of the most memorable games I've ever been to- June 20 2008, the night of the Celtics parade. We played the Cardinals.. it rained something terrible before the game/during the Celtics parade inside Fenway, so much so that many typically-hearty New England folk left the park. I was a direct beneficiary of this, and had a couple VERY good seats behind the on deck circle (i think my ticket was actually for the bleachers, so it was quite a steal). Anyhow, in perusing that night's pictures, I decided that I should mention the following:

(With the Royals now.) He had a lot of fun with the Sox just recently.. and i JUST missed picking him up in fantasy. Argh. Someone got him off waivers right before I could.

Maybe going into a slide wasnt necessary, Jacoby. But everyone in RSN should be upset w Beltre (ok, that's a bit harsh); he had little to no business trying to catch that ball when you were running in on it. PLEASE heal quickly.

I like him, always have. But Wake and question marks go hand in hand these days.

One more time for tonight.. man this guy is awesome.

On my long drives to and from Laytonville this weekend, I listened to this Kings of Leon song quite a bit, as most of the lyrics remind me of Boston, the Sox, and everything that fits under that sentimental and beloved umbrella:

What a night for a dance, dont you know I'm a dancing machine
With the fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene
I get lost in the night so high I don't wanna come down
To face the loss of the good thing that I had found

Woo hoo hoooo
Woo hoo hoooo

In the dark of the night I can hear you calling my name
With the hardest of hearts, I still feel full of pain
So I drink and I smoke and I ask you if youre ever around
Even though it was me who drove us right in the ground

See the time we shared it was precious to me
But all the while I was dreaming of revelry

Gonna run baby run like a stream down a mountainside
With the wind in my back I wont ever even bat an eye
Just know it was you all along that had a hold of my heart
But the demon in me was a best friend from the start

So the time we shared it was precious to me
All the while I was dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry

And I told myself Boy, away you go 
It rained so hard it felt like snow
Everything came tumbling down on me
In the back of the woods, in the dark of the night
Paleness of the old moonlight
Everything just felt so incomplete

Dreaming of revelry

DODGER BLUE! GO DODGERS!!

Strange and Wonderful Days

I've been living in Peabody, a temporary situation, since last wednesday when i quit my job. As everything seems to be with my ex-boss, my final good-bye was a bit backhanded, and so i really had very little reason to feel any warm-fuzzy sentimentality upon exiting the office for the last time. I havent looked back since, save to realize maybe twice since then that i never have to deal with it again.

I cant recount everything that has happened in the past month, for life has been non-stop. The last time the red sox were home, i went to all but one of the games in the homestand. That has been my full-time occupation lately. On Friday, the second game in the last series of the season, I arrived to the park before the gates opened, and took my usual place on the green monster. Soon, I was informed that there would be no batting practice that day, but that I had a chance to head down onto the field to explore the warning track. As if it was a race, i sped off down the steps to the gate by the visitors' dugout. I had circled the entire field and was leaning against the bullpen wall, looking in (in the same fashion as pitchers do, looking out at the field during a game; it was a bit tall for me), when the announcer came on over the loud speaker. Breathing in what i assumed would be some of my last on-field-air, i waited to hear instructions for exiting the field. None would come, however, and instead I heard "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen... We would now like to invite members of the 2009 Boston Red Sox out onto the field, where you will have a chance to greet them......" Sure enough, at that very moment, a small hoard of men emerged from the dugout and began making their ways past the crowd standing on the clay behind the ropes. Noting that another group set out going the other way around the field, I quickly took stock of who was heading my way and decided by process of elimination that no matter who was in the other group, I was probably more interested in shaking their hands. Let's be clear- I dont really discriminate too badly, but I figured that there were enough fans there that the players would never make it the full way around the field. I couldnt help but grin as I wove my way through the electrified net of people along the track in the outfield. Settling for an open spot in left, I (perhaps fittingly) ran into Michael Bowden first. He sees me at almost every game I'm at, and so as he spotted me from a bit down the line of people there was no surprise in his features, but reached out his hand, put on a shining smile, and made straight for me. Hunter Jones followed soon thereafter, and beyond that the sequence of events is a blur. Any of you who know me  personally would expect that the highlight of the evening was when I shook Dustin Pedroia's hand, and I'd say it was, as I can remember how quiet excitement directly after the contact quickly turned to gleeful frenzy. I saw Jon Lester (heck, i saw them all) but he wasnt really shaking hands. Those who did, and it seemed like most were, generally tended to ask some variation of the question, "How're you doing?" Who else? A number of the call-ups, Dustin Richardson and Fernando Cabrera... Daniel Bard knew me still, which always is a pleasant surprise- when you dont imagine that someone you've had several personal interactions with will recall them, but they do afterall. Also, I'll be completely honest, I'm not fabricating things here, but when you show up at Fenway and sit directly behind the bullpen for many games in a row, people IN the bullpen start to look at you like the recognize you. That's the case with Brown, Varitek, and the bullpen catcher Mani Martinez especially. With Dan, he and I had met over the winter and had come across each other a number of times since then, at events and Spring Training and games. We're facebook friends too, and I post pictures of him when I have new ones, so it makes a bit of sense. Shook hands with Tek, Victor Martinez, Youk, Gonzalez, Drew, you get the point. Had a picture taken with Josh Beckett!

..he was the last one I came across, and I had nothing to show for this whole experience as I had been too concerned with talking to and shaking hands with each player. Also, there's not much room on my phone for pics.


----------------------------------------

I wrote all of the above about 2 weeks ago. Lately, I just havent been in the right space mentally to go back and face the end of the season. Everyone has something to say about how the postseason went for us, and this being Boston, the difference is that they all write about it. Self included. We're opinionated and we pretend like we've each got the key to what really happened and why no matter what the sport. I try not to make a habit out of reading blogs, because quite honestly, it's almost all the same thing, simple reiteration of what some espn or boston globe writer has already tweeted or otherwise written. That's just boring to me. I already take issue with the machine that is the "BOSTON MEDIA".. we have a bit of a hot-cold thing going on. So I really dont enjoy reading other people's regurgitation of what sports writers have already written.
All that said, I'm going to write a bit about it, too, because I've got months to kill here. And lets face it: I'm "from" Boston, and I've got my own trunkload of opinions, and by golly the world simply must hear them. Then again, I'm sure I'm less credible than all those who shop for their thoughts on the matter from ESPN as my opinions are just my own (I love ESPN- but I dont agree with everything those writers say, and i'm not going to copy-paste their ideas here).

First off, I'm not in bad shape here. I'm doing alright, and it's probably due to the fact that I'm not yet dwelling on just how long I will be without baseball. And on the upside, the Mesa Solar Sox have a bunch of A and AA guys on their team, which will keep me mildly entertained for another month. The big names right now are Casey Kelly and Jose Iglesias, the latter of whom defected from Cuba- both of whom are young stars in the making. But other familiar names include Randor Bierd, Richie Lentz, Chris Province, Dustin Richardson, Luis Exposito, and Ryan Kalish. Those are the hometeam guys as far as I'm concerned, but along with this mix I'm also kept up on the progress of guys like Stephen Strausburg, Mike Minor, Jason Heyward, and Scott Sizemore (not Mesa guys). I'm looking at a roster right now for Mesa, though, and clicked on a player named Starlin Castro, because he has a sweet name. Apparently he's an up and comer for the Cubs. If nothing else, paying attention to the Arizona Fall League will help me make the most of my roto league's minor league draft, which most people seem to blow off. Alas, out of 6 teams, the Solar Sox are most definitely in 5th place- but the 6th place team is undefeated after 6 games, so ouch there.

I'm in Maine now, and life is different here. For one thing:

Yep. Snow. I watched the snow coming down across the valley the night before I took this picture. It was beautiful, and it filled me with sadness, and it quieted me. I'm not quite ready for Winter, and that's a fact. Anyhow, it's all gone. Melted yesterday. It's acceptably warm out today, so spirits are high enough. Being here, though, with nothing to do... it has given me time to take stock of all of the tickets I collected over the 2009 season. Actually, unfortunately not ALL. I know that there are still a few Paw Sox and Red Sox tix in my car, and I also know that I am specifically missing at least one game's ticket (Oct 3rd). So. Try as I might to keep them all together, the fact is that I have lived in 4 different places since August. Still:

No, that's not all of them. This is a pic of each unique ticket I got- notice that there are no Becketts or Lowells. Strange, because just now I could have sworn that I remember having a Beckett ticket. Anyhow, it's not here with me if I ever did have it.

A lot of people speak about an emptiness that they feel once the Red Sox are done for the year. There's more to my life than following the team, but I do have shame for the way in which I've let myself go, spiritually-speaking. Thankfully, being here with my family and some longer-term friends helps a lot. Shame is a lie that keeps us from doing what we need to do and being who we can be. Knowing this is one thing; letting shame and fear drop away is another. I'll get there.

I've got some crazy ideas floating around in my head. For one, I'd say that Papelbon's time in Boston is up (ok, i know i'm not the only one out there who feels this way). Not because of the way things ended- everyone has tough games, and one guy doesnt win or lose a game for a team, much less a series. As soon as I knew about Daniel Bard, I began baiting fellow friends/fans by saying that Pap's out, Bard is our guy. Didn't take long for me to be serious about this, and not just instigatory. Oh, who knows. Bard had a great first year, but you dont bank on your less-than-half-a-year-experienced rookie over your proven top-of-the-league closer. You cant do that, unless you're in it for the gamble. Still, I really really like Cinco, but he's obnoxious sometimes. This isnt just a personality thing either- it's cute, it's funny when he doesnt cross the line, but the guy has been known to run his mouth a bit too far; in addition, his performance this year has not resembled what he did for our team last year either. Lots of saves still, yes, but more times than not I'd credit the offense for that before I'd shake his hand in gratitude after a game. It's definitely a loss for the Red Sox, that the Cinco Ocho of 2008 didn't really come out to play in 2009. So let him go to the Yankees, although they've already got their man for the time being. I have no idea if that will happen once Paps is a free man (after 2010 season)- a lot rides on 2010 I imagine. But in my infinite knowledge (sarcasm ends here.. the next part I'm serious about), I project that Bard will continue to look a lot like the man we saw in Game 3 of the Boston-LA 2009 ALDS, closer or not.
Saito has already walked the plank, so to speak. I'd also like to bid farewell, if not a bit preemptively, to Paul Byrd. Agree or disagree with me as you will, but I'd say that Cabrera, Delcarmen, Woodward, Ramirez, Anderson are all up for grabs. I'll be sad to see Billy Wagner go, but I get it. I'll also be sad to see Cabrera go if he does- and I havent looked up his history of being DFA'ed/his options/etc but I'd hope they'd send him back to Pawtucket. Though he is 28. Not quite a prospect, already in a pitcher's "prime". Had a great year in AAA this year though. I dont know, maybe he's just not the guy for us. I'm curious to see where all of our catchers wind up throughout the system... Expo, Federowicz, Wagner, Brown, Kottaras, Chen.. names that we've all heard tossed around, and yet none of them seems to be quite the whole package. Then again, a bunch of them are still in single and double A ball. In the time I've paid attention, I havent figured out the catching situation in our farm system.

Well, as rambly as this entry has been- now it will come to an abrupt stop. There's so much more to come.

Autumn Arrives

I havent been outside yet, but I can see the silhouette of trees blowing around out there through the curtains. It leads me to believe, along with the golden light that's filtering through the fabric, that today is a most excellent Autumn day. Fall has become my favorite season, though I dont really want to discriminate against the others. The weather is so relieving after whatever the year's summer has brought; September brings us new faces on all of the MLB teams; and there's a general sense of introspection and reflection that I settle into. I've discovered that I enjoy being alone in this season, I enjoy the feeling of yearning to be with someone who I'm not with. Fall is mellow, earth tones, acoustic music, coffee and pumpkin and apple and spice and the settling of dead leaves on the pavement and the smell of brush fires and the last celebration of being outside before winter comes.

Come October 1, I will be unemployed. Quite happily so. It has been relatively smooth sailing at work but with a week and a half to go that could come crumbling down at any point. I've lived with that same mentality the entire 2+ years I've been there, actually, and though I've rarely been treated in a hasty manner (to my face), I've seen how other people are treated. And I've had a few ridiculous and unnecessary situations come my way as well.

The Office is back on! The first episode was solid.. not an all-time favorite, but it included some lines that I'll be quoting for months and years to come. Of course, I was at the game when the first episode aired (I watched it after the fact on nbc.com/theoffice). Fenway never gets old. I was exceedingly giddy to be there on Thursday, as if it were the first game of a new season. The fact that we've got minor league call-ups on the team now adds to the excitement for me. Most of the time when I go, I try to make sure Mike knows I'm there. It's nice to know that you're on the home team, and that everyone is rooting for you in a general sense- but when he sees me standing or sitting behind the bullpen, I hope he feels, at the very least, like there's someone present who is pulling for him. No matter what kind of work we do, I feel like we all need someone who we know believes in us. I'm sure I'm not the only one at Fenway on any given night who would put Bowden on their list... hmm, maybe top 5 favorite players in the park? But he knows my face, he knows my name, and if it doesnt translate as a sign of enthusiasm and support then I dont know what else I could do. Now we've gotta work on getting Sean Danielson some playing time next season... with any team...

Speaking of Sean, he's unknowingly responsible for my latest addiction- to Kings of Leon. I'd hear one of their singles on the radio now and again but really wasnt fond of it. Then, the Paw Sox season ended, and everything associated with Pawtucket immediately became sentimental. Sean is a big Kings of Leon fan, and the single reminded me of him, so I started not changing the station when it came on. Then, I found things about it that I liked... then heard another single and liked it even better... then went online to listen to both... then started listening to a whole bunch of KoL... and this was like a big snowball effect, because once I listened online, I went tumbling head over heels for this band. I also found out that their song Closer is the song that Dusty Brown had playing as his at bat music this season. I remember asking a number of different people if they knew the song but no one did. Ta Da! I got it. Now go listen to it on www.grooveshark.com . (The part of the song he had playing as he walked to the plate was just the beginning instrumental bit.)

What a busy past few weeks. Weddings (Jeff & Laura! Dave & Rachel!)... ballgames... 2 trips to Maine... a new MacBook Pro and free iTouch... an office move... a Maggie move (and another one to come in about a week or so). Yep, I'll be living with my brother for a couple weeks. Scary... a house with 3 or 4 guys two years younger than me. Well, I've been there before and it wasnt a wreck. :)

The last time Bowdie pitched was 9/8. Anytime now...
In other news, Josh Reddick is seeing some fair playing time. Dustin Pedroia is hitting homeruns. (I was at the game 9/8/09 vs O's where he hit 2 hrs in the same game, for the second time in his career.) Jason Bay is hitting homeruns. Alex Gonzalez is quiet and easy to like. Dusty Brown is up with the big club and also getting some time behind the plate. Daniel Bard is a Major Leaguer, not a minor leaguer trying to prove himself. Sometimes I come back to the realization that life happens, just keeps moving along. I dont have to try to make it happen. With baseball, it's great to watch life happen for these guys. With myself, well, there are some unknowns on the horizon, and I'm trying to embrace that. I'm not going to NZ afterall... I'm going to Ireland with my brother, about which I am extremely excited. A brother-sister trip is something I've been waiting for my whole life!

9/9/09 - happy 23rd birthday Mikey

The above pictures are from 8/30, 9/8, and 9/9.

Grandma had a blast :)

I bought Pop Tarts as I do once every very long while. They are down in the kitchen, nearly audibly calling my name. Then it's off to softball... playoffs have begun. The lazy part of Saturday is just about over!